Monday, September 10, 2007
Goodbye For Now
Assalamualaikum semua.Jangan baca ajer! Jawab Waalaikumsalam. Nak gi neraka eh? Kalau tanak, cepat jawab.
Bagus bagus. Sekarang pergi solat ishak dan istighfah banyak banyak abih datang balik baca.
Eh dahbis? Belumlah!
Okay sekarang dahbis.
Alright. Here goes. DJ HEAT THAT BEAT! Buka music jiwang abih dengar baik baik.
I have sad and tragic news for all. Yes, I, Fuckle, come before you today to bring you the worst news you have ever heard in you entire lives. Yes, it is the worst. No, the news that Megan Fox already has a boyfriend is like kacang compared to what I'm about to tell you. Alright, here it comes. This blog will be temporarily closed from now till mid-October with immediate effect.
The reason being during my last encounter with Mr. Voldy Mouldy, I once again won but he now has my brain. He somehow Accio-ed it out of my head. Apparently, it was too small it could come out through my ear-hole or eartril or what ever you call that hole at the side of your head. Realizing that this could be done, he has asked his fag Shit-Eaters to go round collecting the brains of my fellow friends in the Order of the Pepek.
So now, all our brains are being kept at the Department of Mysteries. You know the thing that attacked Neville in the fifth book? That was actually Mavado's brain. It was too wild. It was normally kept under control by the curly wurly hair on his head which was actually acting as a leash and thus, the uncontrolled growth similar to that of the astroturf but now since it has no leash, it really is wild.
What is Voldemort doing of our brains you might ask. Well, I believe, he is using for an experiment known as the End of Years or in short EOYs. This is where the brains will undergo massive torture similar to that of you hearing me sing. Seriously. The brains will be put through multiple tests of a variety of subjects.
So yeah. I am now assembling a SWAT (Sewelicious Wrestlers and Testes) team to get these brains back. This will include hardcore revision and mugging. Therefore, there simply won't be any time to waste and hence, we can no longer post here cause that is an obvious waste of time. I know you all like to be entertained by us but please be considerate. Would you rather us post with or without or brains? I know lah for people like Mavado and me it doesn't make a difference but still, we need our brains to like...I dunno, cebok and stuff.
Once we get our brains back in October we will quickly get back to entertaining you selfish bastards, twats and pricks. But in the mean time, you can go entertain yourself by looking in the mirror or something. So yeah.
Anyway, here are the Chemistry test answers which I wanted to post but I didn't cause it was in the locker and I forgot to take when I go back to school in the holiday and so I put now.
Chemistry may be shit but Harry can fix anything.
This is retarded.
Shit, seriously, Voldy was disturbing me during the test. His face kept coming out of the paper saying I'll fail. So I decided to weaken him with differentiation and later avada kedavra his ass back to England.
Anyway, I failed the test. This is the reason why I can't post for now. Proper preparation leads to satisfaction. Since I didn't prepare for this test, I didn't get satisfying results. But obviously there are other ways of satisfying one's self. Like preparing for the EOYs. What were you pervs thinking?
As a great legend once said, failing to plan is planning to fail!
To the Combattenti Di Libertà a.k.a. Order of the Pepek, good luck! Especially the Sec 4s. This is our last test is this darned school man. Let's end it with a bang! I know a small group of us have been pulling the name of Melayu down in the school in terms of academics but I put it to you that we will do our very best. Even if we fail, we'll fail with style. So yeah, come on guys. All for one, all for me.
Goodnight, byebye, see you in October,
Fuckle!
Posted by Mat Raffles at 10:01 PM
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
The world is ending.
It all started a few nights ago when my dad brought home a large, lumpy plastic bag. I didn't think much of it until quite some time later when I got curious and went to see what was in it. Inscribed on the plastic bag was two words. "Yellow pages". Two words that spell impending doom for all (really, they do.) Okay, I know what you all are thinking again. This is yet another useless stupid dumb post from Shift who has nothing better to do. Well, you're wrong.So I opened that plastic bag and took out the massive books that are commonly known as the Yellow Pages. I flipped them open. And then, came the revelation. The shocking, horrible truth. I blinked. And blinked again. But the horrendous reality wouldn't go away. THE YELLOW PAGES WERE WHITE!!!
Again, I see you shaking your head. Well, stop it because you clearly don't see the implications of this. If the yellow pages (which, if is not painfully obvious to you by now, are supposed to be yellow) are white, the world is clearly coming to an end. It's clearly the start of a whole load of stuff which will eventually lead to doom for us all. First, up would be down and down would be up. City would be champions and United would be relegated. (actually, I wouldnt mind that. teehee) Pu-no-who would be a peace-loving teacher who never gives homework. (I wouldn't mind that either.) What would be most frightening thing of all would be.... SHIFT WOULD MAKE INTERESTING INSIGHTFUL POSTS THAT ACTUALLY MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH! OMFGLAKHFOAHOFIA!
And there ends my post today. Moral of the story? Start praying regularly, jangan skip puasa, jangan tengok pr0n, jangan cakap fuck. cos the world is ending.
Yang benar (okaylah, ada bedek-bedek sikit)
Shift
Posted by Mat Raffles at 10:33 PM
Sunday, September 2, 2007
The Return of The King
Greetings Earth. I'm Buzz Wanker.I Cum in Piss.
Hell man, that's as sick as a sickbay. How can you tarnish the name of Buzz Lightyear (the greatest astroboy ever) with such unpleasant things? But most importantly, how can you corrupt the minds of our innocent visitors? Or are they really? Well as a legend once said, there are two types of wankers. Honest ones and dishonest ones. I guess it's up to you to decide for yourself. However, I bet when half of you saw those words up there you were already aroused. Sick bastards!
Alright, coming (not cumming for cum's sake) back to what I wanted to say before what I said which makes what I'm going to say the second thing that I'm saying since the first thing that I said has already been said. Said said vote SAID!
Okayokay. Seriously, I'd like to apologize for my absence. I know you all have been craving for me like mouth-watering cats awaiting a delicious dish of fish. Fcuk, you sickos really know how to use your imagination. The only person to be blamed for my prolonged absence from this prestigious blog is the Dark Lord Voldy. The bastard, seeing he could not take me out with regular spells since I'm such a talented wizard, decided to bombard with me with other things which I at first, did not expect. These things included Common Class Tests (first we had CTs, then CCTs, and now CCTVs), Performance Tasks and like shit load of other things that required me to do work. I couldn't use any form of wizardry as he koped my precious Elder Wand and placed it on a babi. EVIL!
But I have taken care of all that now although it took much time. I also have ensured that Voldy will not return for quite a long time depending on how long he takes to retrieve his wand from Mavado's hair. Those forest of curls are really gonna piss Voldy off man.
Okay, so what have I, Fuckle, been up to. Well I failed my Maths CCT and Chemistry CCT. Expected lah. Biol-ogy and Feeziks not back yet. I hope I pass. If not, then nevermind ah. Even the best make mistakes sometimes. Below are some retarded answers from my Chem CCT. Enjoy. They're NIIICCEEE!
*oh mavado! i forgot. my cct is in my locker. everything's there. i promised myself not to study during the hols. ohwell, i'll take it tomorrow and post it then. in the mean time, enjoy this video.*
Bloody hilarious video lah. But very true. Listen up fellow Singaporeans! Cut down on the arrogance says the EVIL BUNNY! Go Happepill for more fun stuff. NIICCEE!!!
Oh yeah, Teachers' Day was two days ago. I wanted to buy a whistle for my PE teacher lah but terlupa. Mavado must have Obliviate!-ed me. Bloody dick. So to all teachers out there, thank you so much although what you're teaching us is I think quite useless. Who the hell needs Pythagoras or Ohm? We've got Lockhart the fag and Bagshot the retard. Get the Hogwarts curriculum man! For sadistic teachers like Pu-Know-Who and She Who Must Not Be Named who only wish to see students suffer, this game will certainly satisfy you tremendously and give you the pleasure you always wanted but never ever got from us. Click here to Purify.
I also went to watch Rattata or dunno what cartoon movie on rats and The Bourne Ultimatum. Don't worry. No spoilers from me.
My name is Fleur Delacour. Zis movie is veghy good. Oui. It's NIIICEEE! Ze ghat is cute like my Bill alzough he has been fcuked up by Fenrir. I have gotten Zidane to headbutt him for hughting my Bill. He deseghves it, zat monstegh! It is as zough my Bill has been Sectusempra-ed! Anyway, zis movie iz in English. So don't woghy, be happy.
Shh! Classified Information. Top GGXX F2L Secret!
Agent 56w3894-88 reporting for duty. We have classified information on Bourne. He was last seen in humping the back of a humpback whale in the Pacific Ocean. We also have managed to tap his phone lines. The last person he called is identified to be this man.
Evan Almighty.
Their conversation is as follows.
Bourne: God. Please tell me who am I. I can't remember anything. Nothing.
Evan: Bourne, do you really want to know?
Bourne: Yes God. Please tell me. I beg you. I'll do anything you want me to do.
Evan. Really? Okay, I want you to kiss my beard. Then, I'll tell you everything.
Bourne: *french kisses the beard* Done, God! Now, please tell me.
Evan: That's nice Bourne. I really am turned on now. Okay, you are the offspring of two monkeys, Albert Einstein and Jackie Chan. That's how you got your overwhelming intelligence mixed with your deadly skill in the martial arts.
Bourne: Oh. Thank you God Almighty!
Evan: DAMN YOU! I'M EVAN ALMIGHTY! YOU SHALL NOW BE DAMNED TO HELLL!!!!
Bourne: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Yeah, so both movies were very good. If you're the kind like ooohhh, that rat is so cute go watch the rat one. If you're like oh man, Matt Damon is so cute go watch Bourne. I didn't understand Identity and Supremacy but Ultimatum pieced everything together. So go watch. NIIICEEE!
Oh yeah. I realized one more thing. The tagboard which is on the right for you dumbfcuks. >>>>>>>>>> There lah idiot! Okay, anyway, these past few days it has been getting very tension and a lot of vulgararities there with people arguing a lot. I don't care if you people not happy with one another. I just want this blog to be happy. So mantain sikit ah. If not happy also just smile. SMILE NOW! So yeah, please keep the tagboard happy. And why fight? We're all Malays aren't we? If we fight among ourselves, matilah. Bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh, so tolong, jangan bergaduh. Keep yourselves happy with this.
So that's all from me. I don't know when I'll be seeing you guys. My scar on my ass already hurts. Voldy must have gotten his wand from Mavado's hair. Damn! He must've used Johnson and Johnson's No More Tangles Strawberry Sensations. Alright then. Time to go off and duel.
Until next time,
Fuckle.
