Tuesday, August 7, 2007

i am a racist

LUMOS

Hello again matbloods! If you're wondering why i used the above incantation? it is because we can all see that this blog is dark, black even. So we should make use of this useful god-given incantation so that we will all be able to see the posts better. (Instead of using the incantation on Mavado, because it is utterly useless in the first place and I daresay a little offensive, in which case ****le and Mavado will scare you to death with their anti-racism tactics)

Anyway, I am here to make a confession. A confession that I



AM



A RACIST!

Now you might be wondering why I, such a decent person and a rather helpful postman would be racist. (postmen help you a lot you know. Imagine how life would be without postmen to deliver letters everywhere) Well it surprises me too because the race that I seem to despise and loathe and detest and disdain and dislike (a vocab lesson courtesy of the postman) is the MALAY RACE!

My God!!! Now this may seem strange and utterly unexplainable on the surface, considering that I am a Malay. But if you look closely, through the strands of time and culture, you will find that I have certain reason to be anti-Malay (but of course racism should never be tolerated anyway). You see, I am descended in an unbroken line of forefathers (and mothers too) from a race called JAWA. Now, the Jawa (or Javanese to you Englands out there) have always been rivals to the MALAYS. Ever since the rivalry between Majapahit and Kesultanan Melaka (yes, the creative kingdom of brown people that handed down traditional stories of how friends should betray each other just because the king says so), things have never been calm between us. This rivalry continued into the 20th century, with the most recent significant manifestation being the Konfrontasi (back before LKY cried on telly).

Now, you see why there is a certain dislike of Malays within me. However, this is made worse because like Tom Riddle, I am a half-blood because my mother is GASP Malay! Just like Tom Riddle then, I despise the half of my bloodline that is detestable. However, unlike Tom Riddle, I would not like to turn myself into Lord Voldemort because my soul likes to be whole. So, friends, I need all your help to abate the tide of racism that has always been dormant within me and is now awakening.

Thanks to........................
The postman

p.s. I shall defer my psychoanalysis of pu-no-who until after the DMP module on understanding social deviants because I hope the course will allow me to write a more illuminating piece (although you could always use LUMOS MAXIMA, a useful incantation that will illuminate everything around you)

Posted by Mat Raffles at 7:53 PM