think i've abandoned ma homiez fo' too long already so i'm backkkk. damn so much has changed. for all the shit that i criticise the army for, i have to admit that the experience thus far has changed me more for the better than the worse. even the shit should be credited into opening my eyes to the existence of such shit which is surely a useful thing in the future. Good job, shit.
The future. It freaks me out. (at this point motion city soundtrack should start playing so go on to youtube and play it yourself you lazy bum). i wanna ord and yet where my life is heading after that is so uncertain. ok not really i'm going uni la but what then? some days the uncertainty is exciting but other days its scary and depressing and staying stuck in time in the army doesnt sound so bad after all. ok, i kid, not to that extent.
we're gonna be 20 next year. thats a zero with a TWO in front. and no teen at the back either to use an excuse for being stupid or dumb or immature or making mistakes. we're growing up, guys. and it scares me. we're not ready. I'M not ready. mentally, spiritually, i'm just not ready yet.
I guess one bright spot is that no one is ever ready to grow up into the unknown and anyone who says that he is is a big fat liar. so i wont be alone in facing the future. and thats reassuring enough.
Posted by Mat Raffles at 12:25 AM
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Asamalapamprat
The title made no sense whatsoever. But its okay. Titles are just one of the many ways to get a reader interested and the fact that you're here kind of makes me successful heh.
Anyway, I last posted on Feb 2, four months and seventeen days ago. Approximately 139 days ago. a little over a third of a year ago. Wow that's a long time. To be honest, I did remember this blog during my absence, but I highly expected someone else to post here in my place so I was a wee bit disappointed. Ohwell.
Anyway in other news, I am kind of in a dilemma. This is regarding social night. Its a dinner event held in celebration of my progression from being a junior officer cadet to a senior officer cadet. Everyone is supposed to bring a date, and thats where the problem lies for me. I find spending a hundred bucks on a girl who isn't special to me very wasteful. So why not just get someone who is special to me? Well, just in case anyone unintended comes across this, I won't reveal the full reason why. I feel safe only saying that I don't think it would be good for her to waste time like this. Not at this time at least. So should I go and look like an idiot being the only one who does not have a date, or should I not go when practically everyone else is going, looking like an idiot too?
Tough huh?
Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill. Or a shark out of a fry. Or an elephant out of a mouse. Ohwell. Life's like that.
Yours quite sincerely, Ging.
Posted by Mat Raffles at 3:25 PM
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
What a Ride
I'm going into the army in...what...8 days?
Time really flies, like really. In fact it went so fast I dont think it actually flew. It teleported.
It seems like just last week (nah not yesterday. yesterday would be a gross exaggeration) when this blog was set up. I was a raw 14 year old boy, turning 15 that year. Today, im a well-cooked 18 year old boy turning 19. Four years. Probably four of the biggest years of my life, and they can be summarised very succintly:
2007: In sec 3, I began to screw up my life. Studies which were hanging by a thread was let to drop by a merciless pair of scissors brought upon inevitably by a class with half our malay population.
2008: I didnt even begin to care about studies. Rugby came to a grinding halt. I can still feel the scorch marks from the sudden braking force of my short-lived rugby career.
2009: In JC1, I crashed. With no background in studies, coupled with the fact that i was in the same class as Stittalicious AGAIN, I crashed in studies. Became a rebel without a cause, or maybe the cause was extreme and sudden self-destruction. Cared too much about frivolous things, got affected by frivolous people. I nearly got retained. Missed out of the fucking rugby gold.
2010: Studies began to pick up, but guess what, it was too late. Began caring for even more frivolous people. Made silly but forgivable choices. Failed to prioritise. Failed to see the implications of my misdeamours. Started preparing for probably the biggest exam in my life way too late. Missed out on the motherfucking rugby gold yet again. I would kill for that gold.
So there you have it. In short, I really screwed up my future in these four years. I'm starting to notice my innate ability to spoil things. Army had better be ready for me.
Fing. Im finally back at my real name hurrah.
Posted by Mat Raffles at 1:15 AM
Friday, January 21, 2011
Moving On
Its pathetic that I look forward to the times which always pass by so quickly, leaving me stranded and alone.
Its pathetic how my life is like that scene in some movies where the actor stands on the streets and everyone gets on with their own lives, leaving you alone.
Its pathetic how I never have the courage to do the very things I advice people to do, making me the last man standing.
It really is pathetic how I absolutely cannot stand being alone.
Liberation after the exams? What liberation? I feel so used up I hardly have enough left to live the life I thought would be nice.
Life sucks. No really, it does, think about it.
Eing
Posted by Mat Raffles at 11:57 PM
Sunday, October 31, 2010
well i guess this is growing up
so we're making plans to take over the world. so we all have our dreams. so we all want to be somebody.
but we're gonna have to get through the next month first.
Posted by Mat Raffles at 12:01 PM
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Big A
I finally got scared shitless today. Which was about time yknow. I've been going through the motion for the sake of it. Three weeks left. Damnit, in primary 6, I would be asleep now, waking up early with no problem, owning classes, going home right after school, read the junior encyclopedia, do some papers with my mum as supervisor, read even more, go to bed. I was almost a total nerd in primary 6. Except for the fact that I played pokemon on the gameboy every chance i had, and by this I REALLY MEAN every chance. When my mum went to the toilet, when I couldn't sleep and i hid under some table with a torchlight to play it, when I was bored of reading, etc. etc.
I need to wake up mannn. Grades are not automatic but I somehow feel like they are, its like I'm treading the very thin line between being confident (for no reason, which is weird) and complacent (even weirderP. And even if they don't come idk, I think I'll be crushed almost like the rugby finals. And so what?
I need to bring myself to care not only about the exams, but the consequences of not doing well. Somehow I can't, which other people think is good and naturally, they wish for it. Well, don't.
